Fear is an emotion that can seem immediately debilitating, often causing us to want to run away or freeze in a state of panic. It’s one of the most common and strongest emotions that a human being can experience, and it can be difficult to overcome.

People can experience fear on a date for a number of reasons, but it’s often associated with anxiety, a lack of confidence and low self-esteem. It can be both a physical response, with your palms sweating, voice shaking, and heart racing, and as a mental response, with thoughts going round and round in your head that you can’t control. Fear on a date can also be caused by the dread of not knowing what to expect, the worry about being judged or rejected, and the fear of not knowing how to respond to conversations. Being afraid on a date can leave you feeling embarrassed, awkward, and scared that you won’t be able to fulfill the expectations of the other person.

Tip 1: Identify the Cause of Fear

A. What are the reasons for being scared on a date?
Dating can be nerve-racking, but fear can make it even more stressful. Fear on a date can manifest in many ways — shakiness, excessive sweating, an inability to think straight — but regardless of what physical or internal emotions come with it, it’s essential to identify why you’re feeling scared.

Are you worried about what your date will think of you? Are you afraid of the unknown or uncertain future? Do you feel the pressure of expectations from the outside world? Understanding where your fear is coming from could help to provide clarity and insight into how to cope with it.

B. How can you overcome these fears?
Once you’ve identified the cause of your fear, the next step is to take action to make yourself more comfortable. A few ideas to get started include:

  •  Requesting to do something you know and enjoy.
  •  Having a few topics in mind that you can bring to the conversation.
  •  Focusing on being in the moment, rather than worrying about the future.
  •  Taking yourself out of the situation and looking at things objectively.
  •  Using guided relaxation exercises like controlled breathing.
  •  Reminding yourself that fear is a normal emotion that we all feel.

By taking steps to understand where the fear is coming from and how to cope with it, you can better manage it and reduce the anxiety associated with it.

Tip 2: Be Prepared

Before you go on a date, it’s important to get your mental, physical and emotional state in check. Taking the time to prepare for a pleasant evening out can help you overcome fear and put your best foot forward in your upcoming date.

A. What types of pre-date preparations are important?
When it comes to pre-date preparations, it’s important to make sure that you take the time to physically get yourself ready. Shower, dress nicely and make sure to get a good night’s rest so that you can look and feel your best. Taking the time to primp yourself also gives you a mental boost to help prepare you for the date.

In addition to physical preparation, it’s important to mentally prepare yourself. Take some time to meditate and focus your thoughts on the evening that is ahead. Dwelling on the positive aspects and the potential joy of the date will help you to look forward to the evening and stay in a positive mindset.

B. What can you do to brace yourself for the memories of past failed relationships?
One of the things that people fear most when it comes to another date is the fear of being hurt again. If you have found yourself struggling in the past with relationships that didn’t work out, it’s important to remember that all relationships have the potential for growth and positive outcomes if you are willing to take the time to put in the effort.

Great relationships are built on trust and honesty. When you go on a date, try to focus on the present instead of dwelling on past relationships. Put away any worries or anxieties that may cloud your mind and open yourself up to the possibility that this date could be the start of something wonderful.

Tip 3: Change Your Perspective

A. How can changing your perspective around dating help you gain control of your fear?
Changing the way you think about the situation is a great way to help control your fear and anxiety. Instead of looking at a date as something you have to do, look at it as an opportunity to meet someone new and see what happens. Remember, it’s okay to take things slow and there’s really no pressure. And don’t forget that the other person is likely feeling just as nervous as you.

When you’re feeling scared or anxious, take a moment to think about what the worst-case scenario might be. Whenever I’m feeling anxious, I remind myself that even if things don’t go well, at least I was brave enough to step out of my comfort zone.

B. How can reframing the situation help?
Reframing the situation can also be a great way to help you gain control of your fear. Instead of thinking “What if I say the wrong thing?” reframe it to “What if I say something interesting?” There’s no pressure to be perfect and it’s likely that whatever topic you come up with will start an interesting conversation.

It’s also helpful to remind yourself that you don’t have to have all the answers. Date conversations should be give and take, so it’s okay to listen and be open to learning something new. Not only will this help reduce your fear, it also makes for a more interesting conversation.

Ultimately, changing your perspective can help turn your fear into excitement and anticipation. Instead of constantly worrying about what could go wrong, look at your date as an opportunity for growth and discovery. That’s how I look at dates and it certainly helps to put things into perspective.


Dating can be a scary experience and, let’s face it, fear can really hold us back from making the most out of our dating efforts. Thankfully, the three tips we discussed in this article can help us overcome our fear, so that we can approach dating with confidence and poise.

The three tips we discussed were to take a deep breath and focus on the other person, plan the date with intentional activities, and be prepared to be vulnerable. Taking a deep breath and focusing on your date can help put your fears at bay, while thoughtfully planning the date can ensure that you won’t be caught off guard. Finally, it’s important to be brave and open up to your date, so that you can get to know each other better.

While these tips can help you reduce your fear, you may still experience it on future dates. To continue to decrease your fear, it’s important to keep doing the things that make you feel more confident. For example, try to prepare in advance each time you go on a date; know what you’re going to wear, where you’re going and what you’re going to do. Practice positive self-talk and remind yourself that you’re capable and worthy of someone’s affections. Finally, don’t be afraid to take things slow and get to know the person you’re seeing in your own time.

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